I’ll never trust a straight man who bakes as a hobby. They just don’t have any respect for the craft or the art. On the contrary, they only picked it up because they stumbled upon a Reddit thread that outlined how it was a surefire way to pick up women, “These are the 10 flavor + texture combos chicks are craving in 2025…”
– jeffrey
This, of course, does not apply to British bakers, whom are beloved regardless of their gender or orientation. It’s pretty funny how the Great British Baking Show had their first ever American contestant in this past season, and he exuded an extremely dubious energy / quit the competition almost immediately. No single girls to impress in the tent 🙁
I have a straight male friend who thinks his key lime pie is God’s gift to planet Earth. He even goes so far as to invent a rivalry between us. “Jeff spent days meticulously arranging each berry on his pie but our friends all took a vote and mine won.” Never mind that this entire scenario never occurred, what really bothers me is that key lime pies are the absolute easiest desserts to make. A monkey with a removable-bottom tart pan can make one. So now I’m on a lifelong mission to teach everyone how to make key lime pies, thus rendering my friend culinarily powerless. Never trust a gay man who bakes as a hobby.
Preparation time: 15 minutes | Cook time: 30 minutes | Total cook time: 45 minutes
Ingredients
For the crust:
- 2 sleeves Honey Maid Graham Crackers (about 10 oz out of a 14.4 oz box)
- 6 tbsp butter (melted)
- 1/4 cup white sugar
- 1/4 tsp salt
For the filling:
- 6 limes (juiced + zest of 2 limes)
- 4 egg yolks
- 1 can sweetened condensed milk (14 oz)
- Whipped cream (optional)
Crush the graham crackers in a food processor or blender until they reach a fine, sand-like texture. Add the sugar and salt and mix until they are distributed evenly. Finally, add the melted butter and incorporate well. Press evenly into the bottom of a tart pan with a removable bottom (at least 9 inches wide), making sure the crust goes up the sides of the pan in order to properly encase the filling. Bake at 350 degrees for ~15 minutes.
Separately, whisk egg yolks until they lighten in color and become slightly airy. Combine the juice of six limes, zest of two limes, and can of sweetened condensed milk. Whisk until smooth and pour into cooled tart shell. Bake at 350 for 15 minutes, or until the filling has set (no jiggling). Cool and serve with whipped cream.